I will be honest with you, not every day is a joy filled day. It’s an erroneous notion that one should live in ecstatic joy all day long and every day. That’s just not how life is meant to work. One of the Buddha’s main teachings is: “Life is suffering.” I didn’t understand that statement when I first heard it. But after many years of attending "Life’s School of Hard Knocks" I recognize the truth behind “Life is Suffering.” When I look at my own life and the lives of the people around me, I see suffering everywhere. And when suffering shows up in one’s own home and heart, it can be overwhelming.
 
As a coach, I find my clients often encounter overwhelm in their lives. The following is a note I recently wrote to an overwhelmed client:

​There are actually two pieces of advice I want to highlight here. One of my favorite and latest mantras is:

​What that means for me is this: When I am feeling overwhelm for any reason, when my mind starts racing and leading me down painful paths, when the amount of work in front of me is a large, demanding stack, I start slowing down the energy in my body. I want to feel my body. I want to ground myself. I don’t want to feel the urgent need to do something, anything. I don’t want to follow my mind as it flies off in crazy directions. Slowing down the energies in my body and by focusing on feeling my body, helps me to slow down my mind and allow myself to sort out what is going on within me and outside me. And then I get to make a choice as to what to do next. It can be about taking a nice big breath and considering what is there right in front of me to do right now. What is my next small step? I may still be in overwhelm but by harnessing my awareness into my body, taking a breath and then a next small step, I have some control over myself rather than being controlled by the feeling and circumstances of overwhelm.
 
And then there is writing in my Joy Journal at the end of the day. No matter what kind of a day I have had, and I have had hard days on my Joy Journey, when I sit down with my journal at the end of the day and ask myself “Where was the joy today,” I always find something to report. I find that joy is sprinkled throughout my days like stars in the nighttime sky even when I am having a bad day. Joy is there, you just have to notice it. Here is an excerpt from my Joy Journal dated April 29.

​I am amazed to discover the simple things that give me joy. Sometimes there are the firework type experiences and sometimes it’s in the simple things. I also find that when I am having a major download of joy in my heart, I take the time to slow down, notice and savor the feeling of joy within me in that moment.
 
As my friend Arwen Lynch Poe says: 

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  Coaching is about you, your needs, your growth.
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🌸 Peace and Love 🌸
​Janhavi

​Last week, while driving home, I was awed as I viewed the wild blossoming trees that line the road and herald early spring here in the Willamette Valley. Brought to mind was the story of Demeter and Persephone. The trees in their blossoming beauty reflect Demeter's great joy when her daughter Persephone returns to her after living in the underworld with Hades, her husband for the winter months. I share this story with you here.
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​To the Greeks, the return of Persephone from the underworld symbolized the return of life in the spring. On the surface, I think this is a lovely way to reflect upon the tides of the seasons. But, I also think the story holds a deeper reflection. It is a story of the call to retreat when our inner life needs tending when healing asks for our attention. A time of personal struggle can feel like a winter, a dark night of the Soul. It can feel like a cold time, a dark time, a time of grief and sorrow. The story also promises us, that our trials and tribulations will pass and we will emerge into life renewed, a flowering within and without, a rebirth. 

I ask you, Dear Reader, do you find yourself anywhere within this story? Are you feeling the  deep grief of loss? Is something calling to you, nagging you from within, that wants your attention? Are you in the dark night of sorting out some part of yourself? Or do you feel the call of spring in your life? Do you have parts of your life that are flowering, showing new life? Are you in any way emerging, returning to the ever welcoming arms of Life, to live renewed in the world?

Consider reflecting about this within your written journal. And, if you care to share your story with me, I'd love to hear from you.
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There is a cycle of change marked by four stages that we pass through as we journey and grow through our lives. Change is precipitated by a challenging event in our lives, which can be either sought after or come as a surprise blow. Within this first stage of change we navigate what is known as the Death and Rebirth cycle as something leaves us and we adapt to the new. As we come to some sort of peace or reconciliation about the change in our lives we enter into a time of Dreaming and Scheming where we begin to breath more easily, look ahead and feel a creative flow. After that comes the Heroes Saga, where we put our dreams and schemes, our ideas to the test and roll them out with activity. And as we successfully navigate success in the Heroes Journey we come to a time when we are living in the groove of accomplishment and we experience the joy of a satisfying life.
 

Peace and Love,

​Janhavi

I want to invite you to join the me on the Joy Journey. I have had such amazing success in increasing my happiness that I want to share that with you. I want you, all of you, to have more happiness and joy in your life. I started on this journey with joy in mid February and I am delighted with the results. By noticing and recording my joy each day, I experience more happiness every day. Joy is something that happens inside us as we respond to the magic and miracles in the world around us.
 
To partake of the Joy Journey, you will be asked to notice and record the happiness and joy that is sprinkled throughout your day.  It’s about making a commitment to finding, discovering, uncovering, noticing, and defining the joy that is everywhere in our lives.
 
Yeah, you might be feeling grumpy, sad, uninspired but if you let your mind hang out there for too long, those ill desired, dismal states of mind become a habit. They become part of the wiring within in our brains. As a habit, whatever we think repeatedly becomes the “normal” way of hanging out with yourself, the “normal” conversations you have with yourself.
 
If you desire happiness, you won’t get there by visiting your failures and your sadness repeatedly. Yes, there are times when one must sink into grief and pain. As someone who has been there, I honor and respect the importance of those deep times of intense growth. And, there comes a time to move beyond our suffering and step into the sunshine of joy.
 
If you are ready to participate in the Joy Journey with me, consider these steps:

​We are what we repeatedly do.
Success is not an action but a habit.
-Aristotle

This week in the garden it is time for planting, new beginnings. On the left we have baby lettuces, parsley and chives. And on the right, a new daphne odora tucked into a hollow within the filbert trees in my fairy garden. Delight!

🌱 🌱 🌱 🌱 🌱 🌱 🌱 🌱 🌱 🌱
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I coach because I am passionate about personal growth. I believe we all inherently yearn to grow. Like the plants in my garden, we are all reaching to grow towards a greater Light. And sometimes, we need a little help because we get stuck; stuck in patterns, behaviors, beliefs.

In this mornings Compass Point, "Martha Beck said: "Stuckness is simply reluctance to take the next small step. Cut your next step in half. Then cut each half in half. Make the next step as small as you can. Then TAKE IT."

You can reach me by clicking on the "Let's Get Started" tab at the top of the page.
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I come alive in my journals. They are a home for me. Whether writing or making art, I find myself in my journals. It wasn’t always like that. I spent a lot of my life feeling lost, like an autumn leaf blowing in the wind, down the street,  fragile and brittle. 

Susan Cain’s book “Quiet: The Power of an Introvert in a World That Can’t Stop Talking” was an eye opener for me. After reading her book, I felt like I finally had a way to define myself and my place in the world. I believe that I’ve spend most of my life trying to fit in to an extrovert world and its lifestyle, a world that was unnatural for me. I think I would have thrived best as a child if someone plopped me down in a rural environment with blank paper and pens and crayons and let me wander with my imagination. 

I've come to define myself as an introvert, an empath and a highly sensitive person (HSP). It’s easy to imagine that my parents, had no way to define these traits and probably thought that all children and humans were alike and had the same needs. My parents had no idea how to talk with me or nurture my somewhat unique needs. And my challenges continued into adulthood. It took me a long time to figure out how to best live in the world, and recognize and develop the skills that would best support me and my personality. I found my way by cultivating self awareness, self knowledge and self love

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You might consider if you have any of these traits:

• As an introvert: you find yourself drained  when hanging around too long with groups of people. You need time alone    to recharge your batteries. 

• As an empath: you find yourself feeling the emotions of others. Your boundaries may feel blurred. You don’t know          where you end and others begin. 

• As an HSP: you might find yourself feeling easily overstimulated in many situations.


If you identify with any of these traits, you might look to the following tools to help ease your way:

• Keep a written journal. Write often, if not daily. Writing is a way for me to know my mind and sort through the challenges I encounter. It keeps me off the "hamster wheel of my mind", where my thoughts keep going round and round trying to solve a problem or some other thing that agitates me. 
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• Do something creative like art making. Certain art activities like coloring and Zentangles are very calming, meditative, relaxing. Working with large paper and markers or paint can help explore emotions that are hidden (deeply) within. 

• Exercise. Walk in nature. Exercise helps discharge pent up energy in the body, energy that you may have picked up and are unable to express. Walking in nature is calming, grounding.

• Hire a coach or a therapist. Over the years, I have sought help and I think of the people who help(ed) me as designated listeners. I need someone to hear me and help me hear myself. They help me sort out my thoughts and feelings and figure out how to navigate in the world. 


The quiet, sensitive people in the world have a lot to contribute to the world. They have many gifts to offer; their depth, their insights, their thoughtful thinking processes. Make space for yourself to flourish and grow. Become aware of your inner beauty and find ways to share it in the world that work for you.

​Sending you Love ❤️

Since it is the month of February, the month we celebrate Valentines Day, I thought I would focus my writing on the theme of Love. Honestly, it hasn’t been easy. I find Love, as a theme, to be complicated. There are so many kinds of Love; love for partners, parental love, sisterly love, brotherly love, love for friends, love for children, Divine Love, love for self. And let us not forget Romantic Love, for Valentines Day is a celebration of Romantic Love.
 
Romantic Love with all its excitement is a gateway to real love. Romantic Love is a lovely thread to weave through the journey of real love. And, Romantic Love is only a part of the picture of love. So much of our culture idealizes and focuses on Romantic Love. Why not? It’s a good story line, it usually has a lot of drama. But there is another kind of love which is the day to day love which has other kinds of dramas and requires a completely different set of skills to navigate.
 
As I set out to understand love, I found it hard to find satisfying definitions.
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From the Merriam Webster Online Dictionary love is defined as:

​Does that clear things up for you? Not for me, hardly at all.
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Same source, 2nd entry:
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​transitive verb
1 : to hold dear : cherish
2a : to feel a lover's passion, devotion, or tenderness for
b(1) : caress
(2) : to fondle amorously
(3) : to copulate with
3 : to like or desire actively : take pleasure in: loved to play the violin
4 : to thrive in: the rose loves sunlight 
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I think that gets a little closer, perhaps because there is some emotion in there.
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Here are the synonyms:
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​Noun: affection, attachment, appreciate, cherish, prize, treasure, value
Verb: attachment, devotedness, devotion, fondness, passion
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Words like: affection, attraction, assurance, concern touch upon how I define or describe love but they don’t completely embrace it. Devotedness and devotion come much closer to what I would define as love.
 
To me, love feels big, transcendent. Love feels like a sacred act or expression. For me, love is bigger than human. And although I use the word often and try to live it in my everyday life, I often stumble over myself in my expression of it. Love feels like something I practice versus something I achieve or accomplish.  

When I try to define love, I come up with these words: commitment, kindness, understanding, patience, forbearance, forgiveness, joy, compassion, honesty, enduring. Perhaps these are more like qualities but I find them to best explain what happens in love. When I think of the love I share with my partner, it is a daily practice that engages these qualities. And to partake of this kind of engagement takes awareness. Like other spiritual practices, it is about living in the moment and being present, to my partner’s thoughts, feelings and needs and simultaneously to my own thoughts, feelings and needs.

We are all fragile humans, misfits acting out the painful karma drama of our inner and outer worlds. And through the actions we create or act upon in the name of love, I find the relationships that endure with partners, parents, children and friends are the relationships that forgive, are kind, are willing to move forward no matter what blemishes or thorns that show up. I have learned about love from the people who have forgiven me.

In Kahlil Gibran’s essay about Love, he is referring to Transcendent Love. In writing about Marriage, Kahlil Gibran gets much closer to what I will call for this essay, human love. Within his essay on Marriage he says:
“… make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.”

I love those words. I think they describes how to keep love alive, well and healthy. We can’t box it, we can’t control it, we can’t compartmentalize it. To make it small or narrow in any way is to deaden it. Like life, love is flow. Love is grace. To experience it, we open to it and let it touch us from within and without. We participate in it by being committed, kind, understanding, patient, forgiving, compassionate, honest, and enduring.

I do hope you will give yourself the opportunity to grow love in your life. It isn’t always easy but it is always kind. And when we open our heart to love, we grow, like a flower in the summer sun, beautiful and warm and full of color and the vibrancy of life.

I'd like to share with you a little of my back story as an artist. I am a self taught photo realistic portrait artist. There is a lot of technical craft in that and I am proud of what I accomplished. As I worked doing these gorgeous portraits, the drawings in my sketch book looked like that of a small child. I found it confusing and disturbing. I didn't feel like I was a "real" artist. So after many years of angst about this, I decided to turn aside from my portrait work and explore the expression of art making, mark making that was showing up in my sketchbooks. I wanted to explore more deeply who I was as an artist and discover my unique artistic voice. That meant showing up to the page with no expectations and allowing myself to express myself free of judgement. It wasn't easy and I have been at it for years.

One of my favorite things to do in recent years has been to draw three pages in my sketchbook before I go to bed. I show up to an 11x14 sketchbook with markers, my favorite tool to work with the unconscious, and allow myself to draw whatever wants to speak from within me. I have drawn pictures that reflect my anxiety about the world, emotions around my personal life and more. Often I draw very sad looking creatures and sometimes stick figures. Drawing like this is a path to the core of my inner life. It helps me unload stress. It creates ease within me. In the end I have these amazing sketchbooks.

I think of drawing from the unconscious as stepping up to the art pad without a plan. It's about just showing up and allowing that which is below the conscious level of the mind to surface. I don't know what I am about to express. I'm not trying to make fine art. Sometimes I don't even understand what has shown up. Sometimes I will explore a picture more deeply by writing about it but most of the time, I am content to leave it wordless and just let it work on me in whatever way it does. I have deep satisfaction in simply expressing that which in many ways is beyond words.

If this is something that interests you, please feel free to contact me and lets start up a conversation. 

Peace,

​Janhavi

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I look to nature to find my lessons on how to grow. Presently in nature, we are in a liminal place, a place in between two other places. We are in between the Yuletide and the season of Imbolc which marks the beginning of Spring. We are talking very early Spring here. Imbolc is usually marked by catkins and blooming snowdrops. This is a fertile time for many of us, a time to dream a new seed into our future.
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I like to honor the dreaming time. Dreaming, goal setting is a process to be valued, not to be cheated upon by moving through it too quickly or carelessly. It’s important to take time to examine your dreams, to research them, both outwardly in terms of practical application but also inwardly. How does your dream measure against your own inner compass? How does it measure against your values? Does your vision bring you joy? If it doesn’t bring you joy, you will be more likely to abandon it. It will feel hard to stay motivated. If you can find joy in thinking about it, you will more likely pursue it. With joy, even when things get hard, you keep going because it has meaning and passion for you. You really want to achieve your desired result. Joy is like a fire in the burner of your heart that keeps you going. 
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“I’m working my happiness like a full time job.”
                                               - Gabrielle Bernstein
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What if, for the entire year of 2019, you pursued Joy? What if you started noticing where you find joy each day? And what if seeking and finding joy was enough? What would happen if you collected a little treasure box of joy in your heart? And every day you kept adding to it? You might find yourself smiling incessantly. People might start wanting to hang out with you because you are so happy. You might find that you are less stressed out. You might find that suddenly, questions about your life are being answered because you are spending more time with joy and joy IS the answer. 

​I will leave you with the charming words of my friend and tarot reader Arwen Lynch Poe:
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The Yuletide holiday is filled with joy; the joy of shopping, homemade cookies, parties, trees, lights and gifts. There is a lot of joy to entertain. And where is the comfort? Do you even seek comfort? I’m a big fan of comfort and I pursue this holiday as quietly, as minimally as I can. I look for something different in this holiday. I look for the quiet.
 
Recently, I was sitting on the red couch in my kitchen daydreaming, as I stared out the large windows into our backyard. Our backyard is full of garden spaces and those spaces are currently full of leaves to keep the beds warm and fed with rotting compost before the next growing season. But what caught my eye this day was the filbert tree. There it stands, on the edge of one of the beds, barren of leaves in the cold, gray winter. And I got it. I understood the lesson I heard often in my seasonal courses. Winter is the time when the energy of nature is drawn within. I could see how the tree was drawing energy into its sap, into its roots. I find that meaningful. This is nature’s time of quiet and calm, of nurturing its essence so that it will be ready for the hysterical fullness of spring, summer and harvest. The tree has lots of work to do ahead in the seasons to come. But right now it works at nurturing essence, sap, roots. I want to approach this time of year more like the filbert tree. I want to nurture my essence, create rest and comfort, so that I can be ready for the fullness of summer and harvest as it shows up in my life, business, creativity, household, etc.
 
The word Comfort means:

• a state of physical ease and freedom from pain or constraint,
• the easing or alleviation of a person's feelings of grief or distress,
• prosperity and the pleasant lifestyle secured by it,

 
Comfort is an important word for me, an important strategy I bring to my coaching clients. It is easier to bring about change in life when one is feeling grounded, centered in one’s body, and at comfort with one’s self. Knowing how to provide comfort for one's self is an important skill no matter what time of year it is. And, it is at this time of year that we can learn from nature. 

For my health and well being, I have made a commitment this season to get out and walk in the fresh air and the neighborhood at least once a day and in the morning. But I also, have made a commitment to explore a path in the forest once a week. Nature is my chapel. Nature provides me with comfort, deep comfort, Soul comfort.
 
I invite you this Holiday Season, to notice if you need to take time out for yourself, to provide yourself with some sweet comfort of life that will nurture your spirit, your essence, your Soul. What does that look like for you? Providing yourself with comfort and rest will fortify you so you may rally on in this holiday season and beyond that, into and through the New Year.
 
Happy Holy Days!
 
Janhavi
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